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Coping with divorce can be one of the most difficult issues a person may ever have to deal with. Of course each circumstance is different, but the deep emotions of ending an intimate relationship can be overwhelming. In fact, many do not completely recover from a divorce; the scars from feeling like a failure can be very difficult to overcome.
The good news is that you can get past a divorce if you are willing to put in the time and the effort. It will not be easy, but it is doable. One of the best ways of coping with divorce is by seeking professional counseling. Doing so is not a sign of weakness; actually, it is a sign of strength and wisdom, because it is showing that you are serious about getting on with your life the best way possible. The results can be remarkable and encouraging, giving those who do seek out counseling a brighter future. However, seeking professional counseling is only the first step in coping with divorce; the real work comes once you have started counseling. Following are some potential stumbling blocks to be mindful of:
Be honest.The first stumbling block that you may encounter is being as honest with your counselor as possible. If you are knowingly holding back your thoughts or emotions, your counselor will not be able to help you as effectively. Initially this may be quite difficult, especially if you are of a more private or shy nature, but it is essential. Even exceptional counselors are not clairvoyant; they need to know what you are thinking and feeling in order to help you.
Trust your counselor.Another situation is difficulty in trusting your counselor with your deepest feelings. Overcoming this obstacle goes hand in hand with being honest with them, and in time you will need to make a firm decision to trust them. Doing so may be a bit unnerving, but, in the long run, it may be your lifeline to a happier life. You will have to make a conscious effort to trust them initially, but in time, you will find it will become easier.
Listen to yourself.Professional counselors are expertly trained in how to help you know what is going on in your own heart and mind. They encourage you to take note of your thoughts and feelings by getting them out in the open. Be sure to listen to what you are saying, because many times, your mind does not know what is going on in your heart, so as you listen to what you are saying, you may be surprised at what is actually in your heart.
However, there are times when your thoughts and feelings are so jumbled up or buried so deep that you do not even know what they are. That is why your counselor encourages you to talk things out; at first they may not even make sense, but with the help of your counselor, eventually your deepest thoughts and feelings will start to congeal.
Listen to your counselor.Counselors listen carefully and intuitively to all that you are saying, and sometimes even to what you are not saying. They are not only knowledgeable about the many issues most people going through a divorce may encounter, but they are also very sensitive to each individual's circumstances. They understand that each client has a unique set of problems to overcome, so, as they are listening to you, they are also thinking of ways they can help you. Therefore, it is essential that you hear and understand what your counselor is saying to you.
Do what your counselor suggests.Knowing that your counselor is not haphazardly throwing suggestions out to you, make sure you are not only listening to them, but also that you are determined to do what they are suggesting. This too will take a lot of effort on your part, but the more determined you are to succeed, the easier it will be. You may need to solicit the help of your family or friends to help you, but again, doing so will only help you overcome obstacles.
Figuring out your own answers.As mentioned earlier, your counselor is very skillful at listening to you and formulating suggestions to help you overcome the many issues you are facing. However, in time, they will also guide you into thinking of your own ways to get through these obstacles. Counselors know that when an idea and plan come from within their client's own heart and mind, there is a far better chance of them being successful in dealing with their issues.
This is a very crucial step for your success, so you need to put forth every effort to answer your counselor's questions as thoroughly as possible and start figuring out how best to deal with your issues. Doing so will not only help you now, but will also give you a sound basis for helping you in the future.
Do not worry about setbacks.As you proceed with your life, you will no doubt have circumstances arise that will cause a setback. Whether it is a major or minor setback, do not worry about it or think you are failing again. If you have done everything you know to do and the issue has not been resolved, talk to your counselor, that is what they are there for; let them help you get back on track by letting them know what has happened.
So, if you are coping with divorce, take heart, for there is help. Finding a reputable divorce counselor will help you to get past this very difficult chapter in your life, and go on to live a fruitful, happier life. The road may be challenging, but the end result is priceless. If you have any questions about getting a divorce telephone the Law Office of Peter Van Aulen at (201) 845-7400 for consultation.