Losing Friends in Divorce

The scenario has become the stuff of television shows and movies – divorcing couples watching their friends take sides as they move through a marriage dissolution case. While something of a theatrical cliché, the reality is that people can and do lose friends in divorce. There are several facts and factors to bear in mind in regard to the matter of losing friends in divorce:

• Polarization of divorce
• Single life in a couple-oriented world
• Fear among friends
• Loss of family members

One reason people lose friends in divorce stems from the polarizing nature of a marriage dissolution case generally. When a couple files for divorce, there is a seemingly natural propensity for friends of those seeking an end to their marriage to gravitate in one direction or another. This means that friends sometimes will more into the camp of one divorcing spouse or another.

There are also instances in which a person who is divorcing becomes personally polarizing. For example, there are scenarios in which a person in a divorce case either intentionally or unintentionally pushes friends and family away. This can happen for a number of reasons, including a misplaced belief that a particular friend has “taken the side” of the other party to a marriage dissolution case.

Depending on the age of a divorcing couple, former spouses will be entering into a couple-oriented world as a single person. Many people who divorce will have friends who are married. Indeed, it is possible that a majority of people who become single again following an end to their marriages will have a majority of friends who are couples.

As an aside, there are now a variety of social groups that are designed not only for single people but specifically for people who have been through a marriage dissolution and want to return to the social scene on some level. There are also groups of this nature that are targeted to people who are a bit later in life, including empty nesters who have recently divorced.

Another reason why people might lose friends in divorce actually arises out of a sense of fear experienced among these associates. For example, when it comes to married friends of a divorcing couple, they may fear that they themselves may face an end to their own marriages at some juncture in time.

You may also have unmarried friends that avoid you out of a sense of fear. In such a situation, these people might have their eyes on entering into a relationship or may be dating. They may be wary of spending time with you, perhaps (wrongly) believing the connection will somehow negatively impact their own hopes for marriage.

Not only can you face the potential loss of friends in the aftermath of your marriage ending, you may also find yourself isolated from some family members as well. This distancing from family members can occur for a number of reasons:

You may have family members who are opposed to divorce for religious or some other reason. They may move away from you should your marriage come to a legal end. Your in-laws certainly are likely to part company with you. With that said, you may have developed particularly close relationships with some of your in-laws that may endure beyond divorce.

Finally, keep in mind that some of your own family members may have developed close relationships with your now ex-spouse. They may continue relationships with your former spouse. And, there can be instances in which such a relationship carries on at your expense and leaves you somewhat behind.

If you have reached a point in time at which your marriage is coming to an end, you cannot overestimate the importance of engaging the services of a skilled, experienced New Jersey divorce lawyer. You can schedule an initial consultation with a member of the legal team at the Law Offices of Peter Van Aulen by calling 201-845-7400.