Strategies to Restore Your Relationship with Your Child Following a Period of Divorce Parental Alienation

Parental alienation in a divorce case refers to a situation where one parent manipulates a child to reject the other parent. It can involve spreading negative perceptions or false accusations about the other parent, causing a breakdown in the relationship between the child and that parent. We explore strategies that can be employed to restore your relationship with your child following a period of divorce parental alienation.

Before considering strategies to restore your relationship with your child following a period of divorce parental alienation, it is helpful to be mindful of signs of this type of estrangement:

• In instances of parental alienation during a divorce, the child consistently favors one parent over the other. This favoritism is often displayed without any given justification, suggesting manipulation or undue influence from the favored parent.
• Another sign is when the child displays a sudden and unexplained change in their feelings towards the parent they're alienating. This shift is typically negative, transforming a previously healthy relationship into one filled with resentment or indifference.
• It's also common for the child to echo the alienating parent's accusations and criticisms of the other parent. This parroting behavior suggests that the child may be repeating views that aren't truly their own, but instead have been instilled by the alienating parent.
• A lack of guilt or remorse is another sign of parental alienation. When a child behaves cruelly or dismissively towards the alienated parent and doesn't show any signs of regret or empathy, it can indicate that they've been led to believe such behavior is justified or acceptable.
• Lastly, the child may believe that their feelings of rejection and animosity towards the alienated parent are completely their own. This is known as the "Independent Thinker" phenomenon, where the child is convinced that these feelings arise spontaneously from themselves, rather than being influenced by the alienating parent. This conviction further drives the wedge between the child and the alienated parent, making reconciliation more difficult.

One of the most vital steps in restoring a relationship with your child is establishing open lines of communication. It's necessary to create a safe and welcoming environment where open dialogue is encouraged. Let your child know that you are always available to listen, whether it's about their daily activities or their feelings of anger or resentment towards you. Your willingness to engage in difficult conversations can help bridge the communication gap and pave the way for healing.

Another essential aspect of rebuilding your relationship is to validate your child's feelings. It's crucial to let your child know it's perfectly okay to feel the way they do. Make sure they understand that you are acknowledging their perspective and not dismissing their feelings. This acknowledgement can empower them, making them feel seen, heard, and most importantly, understood, which is a crucial step in rebuilding trust.

In the process of restoring your relationship, it's important to avoid speaking negatively about the other parent, no matter how hurt or frustrated you may be. Negative talk about the other parent can push your child further away and exacerbate the feelings of alienation. Remember, this process is about rebuilding your relationship with your child, not about your feelings towards the other parent.

Repairing a relationship doesn't happen overnight. It's a process that takes time, effort, and most importantly, patience. It's essential to be patient with your child, understanding that they may need time to process their feelings and come to terms with the situation. Similarly, you should also be patient with yourself. Healing is a journey that cannot be rushed, and it's perfectly fine to take things one step at a time.

There's absolutely no shame in seeking help from a professional, such as a psychologist or counselor, who specializes in parental alienation. These professionals have the training and experience to provide you with strategies and techniques to navigate this difficult situation. They can also provide a neutral and safe space for you and your child to express your feelings without fear of judgment or reprisal.

It's crucial that your child knows that your love for them is unconditional, not dependent on their actions, feelings, or any circumstances. Show your child your love and support, no matter the situation. This constant reassurance can help them feel more secure, loved, and open to the idea of rebuilding the relationship.

Finally, consistency is key in rebuilding trust. Make sure to be consistent in your efforts to reconnect with your child. Show up when you say you will and follow through with what you say you're going to do. This reliability can help your child feel more at ease, secure, and help rebuild the trust that was lost. If you have any questions concerning parental alienation, call (201) 845-7400 for a free consultation.